I have been thinking a lot lately, which sometimes can get me in trouble.I think this is good thinking--but then again, it is the middle of the night. Anyways, In the midst of all of this pondering I realized that maybe I should just let you know a little something. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are bright. You are powerful. You are blessed. You can do hard things. I know that I wish I could hear these words more often (though I have a wonderful many people supporting me every day, sometimes you just need to hear it again), so just in case you needed to hear them--I really believe that they are true.
I have always felt different. Not special different, or super weird and strange different, but I have just always known that I am not like anyone else. I feel that I have always had a very strong sense for who I am, but I have not always felt great about it. As a struggling student for years I told myself that my best is good enough but inside I never felt that I was smart because I did not receive straight As. I always felt that I was too emotional, too passionate, too involved. I made others uncomfortable with my all too unique way of existing--who wants to be friends with the girl who yells at her first grade teacher in the middle of reading groups or bursts into tears during eighth grade social studies class? It is hard for a kid not to fit in. But I never had a desire to try. Sure, I wished that the girls at church would just let me feel like part of their group and that I didn't eat alone sometimes in High School, but I never did anything to change myself to what others saw as acceptable. I couldn't let them (the people all living the same so seemingly cookie cutter life around me) win. I knew that for some reason I just had to do my own thing. Growing up was hard, and the fact that I am not done yet kinda sucks. But I have learned a few things along the way.
I am smart. I am beautiful. I am passionate (and that is not a bad thing). I have potential to be a great person. I am not trying to take you on an ego trip, I just need you to know that it took me a long time but I finally believe that these words are true. I may learn differently than most students. Maybe I like to argue and be loud and cry--but why would I want to be friends with someone who disliked me for those things? I have realized that I do not need to fit in to the inner sanctum of perceived superiority to have worth as a human being. But most of all, I have come to see that all of the time I spent being upset about being different, I now need to make up with embracing my uniqueness and helping others do the same. Confidence is not something that you can just pick up at your friendly neighborhood Wal Mart... Well maybe, considering it is Wal Mart and all... But it is something that you have to discover for yourself. Find what brings you joy and go DO IT. Who cares if people will give you judgy looks? Seriously, if someone is going to judge you they will do it no matter what it is that you are doing. Live your life in a way that makes YOU happy. End of story. Because you ARE smart, and gorgeous, and talented, and great. And no one can take that away from you but yourself. So please, be kind to others and be kind to you.
