Learning How to Use My Words

Hi. It seemed like a good time to share some more of my inner-most thoughts with the internet. So here we find ourselves once again. I suppose it is good that we are keeping in closer touch these days, ever since I shared all of my secrets with you and such... Ya know, we are tight now--or something. Anyways, I guess I am kinda moving on to a new phase in my life--shocking, I know. What?! Madison is moving and starting fresh and trying to be a grown up?... I was surprised too.

So, I am home from my mission (somewhat abruptly, and by somewhat I mean extremely), I am living with my parents and 4 younger siblings, not working, not really doing much of anything. Granted for the first two months of being home I was pretty much stuck in bed having seizures--but that is a story for another time. Remind me to tell it if you are really interested in hearing because there is a 99.99% chance I will forget. But back to this story. So here I am after months of constant progress just kind of floating. It felt pretty nice for about 5 seconds, too. Funny thing about just sitting, when you do it for very long you start to slide backwards. It is like sitting in neutral on a gradual incline. Never a happy ending.

There is a bit of a dizzy/light headed feeling when your vehicle is slowly rolling backwards--well, it was nothing like that. It was more like getting smacked upside the head--if you will. One minute I am going along my merry way and the next I just know that I am not where I am supposed to be/doing what I am supposed to be doing. It was pretty dramatic. Through out my life I have had similar moments. You know, those moments when you know that the Lord is ready to make a change? I am pretty sure he drops smaller hints to begin with, but I tend to be pretty dense. But when I know, I know. And this time I knew. I couldn't keep going in the direction I was headed. So, to my knees I went.

I tend to make decisions this way somewhat frequently. It may seem rash at times, and due to my excellently poor communication skills I feel that I may even hurt others in the process at times. I am deeply apologetic if you have ever felt hurt and/or confused at my quick decisions which usually include no explanation. But, when I have a personal revelation shouldn't everyone else around me automatically know and understand what is going on deep within my soul? No? You are telling me I actually have to use words? Well, here we are.

I have begun a new journey. One that I know I need to be on. I am off to continue figuring out how to be an actual person. One who contributes to society and is kind and happy and educated. I am on my way to school at BYU-Idaho. I am taking the long way round and I am exactly where God wants me. I will not pretend to know exactly what will happen next, but I know that as I include the Lord in this process, He will lead me step by step. For I am His and no one else's. It is not easy, but man is it worth it.

Communication is key. I am working on it. I guess if you can tell the entire internet all about your inner most crap, you should be able to have a simple conversation with the people closest to you... Hmm, maybe someday. For now, I blog.

I know I do not have a huge audience, but I would love your feedback. Is there anything in particular you would like to know more about me/my life/my opinion on random things? Oh, I am being one of those vain blogger types who thinks the whole world wants my opinion? Whoops. Oh well.