Apple Pie in a Mason Jar

One of the best men in this world passed away this morning. Pat Quinn was truly an amazing person. He was loved by every single student at Desert Vista and by anyone who knew him. He kept me sane through High School. He was not only a security guard, but a cherished friend. Not a day went by at DV when he didn't smile and wave and ask how my day was going. He called me by name and knew my story. He genuinely cared how my new job was going or if the team won our last lacrosse game. I looked forward to seeing Pat several times throughout the day. A wave as I drove into the parking lot in the morning, a brief chat as I walked off campus for seminary and a "hey there" when I came back (and sometimes even a scolding for parking in a teacher space). I loved riding on his golf cart when I was running late and hearing his stories about being a firefighter or when he lived up north or just about his family. His love and admiration for his sweet wife was inspirational. His love and zest for life was contagious--he dressed up for every spirit day and passed out candy on holidays. A genuine smile was always on his face. His kind of happiness is a choice, one  he made effortlessly every day. I know I have learned much from my friend but most importantly he taught me to make the best of what life brings me and to treat everyone with kindness and respect. He knew that life was precious and lived as an example to thousands of students. I know that he is smiling down from a beautiful paradise now, proud of his legacy. Pat Quinn will live forever in my heart. 

Food for Thought

I have been thinking a lot lately, which sometimes can get me in trouble.I think this is good thinking--but then again, it is the middle of the night. Anyways, In the midst of all of this pondering I realized that maybe I should just let you know a little something. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are bright. You are powerful. You are blessed. You can do hard things. I know that I wish I could hear these words more often (though I have a wonderful many people supporting me every day, sometimes you just need to hear it again), so just in case you needed to hear them--I really believe that they are true.

I have always felt different. Not special different, or super weird and strange different, but I have just always known that I am not like anyone else. I feel that I have always had a very strong sense for who I am, but I have not always felt great about it. As a struggling student for years I told myself that my best is good enough but inside I never felt that I was smart because I did not receive straight As. I always felt that I was too emotional, too passionate, too involved. I made others uncomfortable with my all too unique way of existing--who wants to be friends with the girl who yells at her first grade teacher in the middle of reading groups or bursts into tears during eighth grade social studies class? It is hard for a kid not to fit in. But I never had a desire to try. Sure, I wished that the girls at church would just let me feel like part of their group and that I didn't eat alone sometimes in High School, but I never did anything to change myself to what others saw as acceptable. I couldn't let them (the people all living the same so seemingly cookie cutter life around me) win. I knew that for some reason I just had to do my own thing. Growing up was hard, and the fact that I am not done yet kinda sucks. But I have learned a few things along the way.

I am smart. I am beautiful. I am passionate (and that is not a bad thing). I have potential to be a great person. I am not trying to take you on an ego trip, I just need you to know that it took me a long time but I finally believe that these words are true. I may learn differently than most students. Maybe I like to argue and be loud and cry--but why  would I want to be friends with someone who disliked me for those things? I have realized that I do not need to fit in to the inner sanctum of perceived superiority to have worth as a human being. But most of all, I have come to see that all of the time I spent being upset about being different, I now need to make up with embracing my uniqueness and helping others do the same. Confidence is not something that you can just pick up at your friendly neighborhood Wal Mart... Well maybe, considering it is Wal Mart and all... But it is something that you have to discover for yourself. Find what brings you joy and go DO IT. Who cares if people will give you judgy looks? Seriously, if someone is going to judge you they will do it no matter what it is that you are doing. Live your life in a way that makes YOU happy. End of story. Because you ARE smart, and gorgeous, and talented, and great. And no one can take that away from you but yourself. So please, be kind to others and be kind to you.

WARNING: This Post May or May Not Actually be About Cooking

Sometimes, on cloudy days, when I am feeling under the weather I am kind enough to let the weather think it is above me, I like to cook. (Have no fear, I washed my hands a lot.) Also, sometimes when I cook I do not like to use a recipe. And by sometimes I mean nearly every time. In my backyard there are three lovely rosemary bushes and for quite some time I have been wanting to use said rosemary in some sort of culinary venture. There has been only one problem with actually using this delicious herb--the bushes are inhabited by approximately one billion bees. So, summoning all of my knowledge of how to send my love to the bees (thank you, Sue Monk Kidd) and putting on my big girl panties, I set off to harvest the mystical rosemary. In case you were wondering, I did make it out without incident. All that was left to do was decide what to do with the conquered herb of fantastical mysteries. As it happens our kindly neighbors have a lemon tree which overflows abundantly into our backyard (they let us use whatever is on our side). Rosemary+lemon+happiness and sunshine=chicken marinade. With a little help from my handy dandy Cuisinart, a magical creation was born--or blended. Either way, it smells delicious! As my chicken rests in its baggie full of happiness and love, I hope it turns out as delicious as all of my hopes and dreams. But while I wait, homework calls my name and unfortunately I must answer... Have a nice Wednesday... You do know what they say about Wednesdays...

Life is Weird... But So Are Vegetables, and I like to Eat Those...

Since moving home, I have been a little spoiled... I must have reverted back to like 3rd grade since my mom makes me a sandwich everyday and when she has to work I whine about having to do it myself. What happened to the capable independent woman who bought classy beef and lived on the edge?! Yikes! Somebody needs a swift kick in the pants (my mom for turning me soft. duh!)... Anyways, it is warm and sunny as I sit outside eating my self packed lunch of clementine cuties and a granola bar (mom was teaching kindergarten today, I embarrass myself!) and reflect on all of the lovely days I enjoy here. I am learning that life is a journey and to never sit still for too long. Have you ever watched "That 70's Show"? If not, you should because it is hilarious. Also, I just saw Hyde's twin strolling across MCC campus. My school is awesome. Life makes me smile sometimes!

Grapes Should Only Be Sweet

My heart is full of gratitude. Gratitude for my family, my friends, and for my Savior. My best friend/older sister is getting married this week and it is with much emotion (too many to express them all) that I will give her to her new best friend. With pure excitement and anticipation, the house is slowly filling with family members (old and new) and lots of joy and even more noise! I am so blessed to be here for this beautiful occasion. I am even more blessed to know that Meredith is marrying the most amazing man. I could not have picked someone better for her myself. The Lord knows what He is doing, I'm telling you! And they look great together!

It was wonderful to spend the day together with the bridesmaids! Memories of "girls nights" and high school (and college) get-togethers filled the day with smiles. I could not help but feel that change was in the air. Mer getting married first, and I am sure we will all follow suit in our own time. Just as surely as we all hung up our "VL" club sweaters, each of us will move on in life to marriage or missions (or both!) as we make our way as confident women. I love these ladies and am so glad for the time that we have together as friends!

Life is not always peaches and cream--in fact, it is usually the exact opposite. But even through the all of the craziness and the trials and hash that goes on around me, I cannot deny that I am extremely blessed. I am blessed by the righteous example of my beautiful sister. I am blessed to have a loving and supportive family. I am blessed to have amazing parents here on earth. I am more blessed than anything in the world to have Heavenly Parents who know and love me more than I can ever know. I am blessed that They sent their son just for ME. I know that no matter what Jesus Christ loves me. I am so glad that he knows me and knows what I need and when I need it. I have no doubt that my prayers are heard and answered. This does not mean that I am not given trials (believe me, I am) but that I am given trials to become stronger, to learn myself and my limits. He is shaping me to become the woman I need to be to best serve Him.

So in all of the madness of life, I can be nothing if I do not have gratitude!

Please No More Freezer Meals!

Sometimes I feel like people have good intentions but are focused on the wrong ideas. I am sure I have this problem all too often and I wish someone would smack me in the side of the head when I do. I suppose understanding and perspective come with time and emotional maturity, but pettiness just rubs me the wrong way no matter how mature one may be.

 I feel like women innately need to be all up in each others business all of the time for no apparent reason. We act like it is okay by saying things like "I really just care about you" or "I am not judging you" but always turn to tell the next female with ears all about "the craziest thing I just heard, but you can't tell anyone because I promised not to tell"... I don't know why we as women tell other ladies about things we really don't want/need other people to know about. Obviously a need for attention is involved; any secret willingly shared is a secret that will not remain so for much longer once voiced (no matter how soft the whisper). We use excuses like the need for a second opinion or maybe we tell ourselves--or the girl we are spilling our guts to-- that we will understand our own thoughts better if we voice them. We trust not so blindly other women with our innermost hearts only for them to be hung from the flagpole in the middle of campus.

Can we please just worry about our own lives for a minute? If you genuinely care about someone and are concerned about an issue that they shared with you in confidence, talk to that person about it. Leave everyone else out. It is not mean to leave someone "out of the loop" if it is really not their concern. If the issue that was shared is something that may become public, use discretion in informing and seek to diffuse curiosity. Use integrity. Have some class. Seriously, ladies!

 I know that no one ever shares a secret with the intention of "spreading rumors" or heaven forbid "gossiping", but somehow rumors get started and gossip is spread. It is amazing how quickly a speck of dust can turn into a haboob. Information is power, and what we as individuals do with it can have a greater impact than ever intended or imagined. We must realize that there are more people in the world than just "me" and that something that may seem harmless to "me" could devastate one of the other "me's" that just happens to be occupying the same planet. So please, please, please be kind. Be sensitive. Be loving. Be caring. Be concerned. But please don't be petty. Don't share information that is not yours to share. Don't pass along negative judgements. Don't be hurtful--even if you think you are being harmless. Live the golden rule.

Fried Pickles

Love is a lovely thing. Mmmmmmm...